60 Funny Retirement Quotes For Invitations


- "Preparation for old age should begin not later than one's teens. A life which is empty of purpose until 65 will not suddenly become filled on retirement." - Dwight L. Moody

- "Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time." - John Lubbock

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- "The splendid thing about education is that everyone wants it. Like influenza, you can give it away without losing any of it yourself." - Evelyn Waugh

- "When I was younger, I thought about retiring." - Tanya Tucker

- "The only true retirement is that of the heart; the only true leisure is the repose of the passions. To such persons it makes little difference whether they are young or old; and they die as they have lived, with graceful resignation." - William Hazlitt

- "When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch." - R. C. Sherriff

Funny Retirement Quotes For Coworkers

- "Retirement, we understand, is great if you are busy, rich, and healthy. But then, under those circumstances, work is great too." - Bill Vaughan

- "Never get out of bed before noon." - Charles Bukowski

- "Adultery itself in its principle is many times nothing but a curious inquisition after, and envy of another man's enclosed pleasures: and there have been many who refused fairer objects that they might ravish an enclosed woman from her retirement and single possessor." - Jeremy Taylor

- "God has a plan for your retirement." - Billy Graham

- "I have made noise enough in the world already, perhaps too much, and am now getting old, and want retirement." - Napoleon Bonaparte

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- "Woman and men of retiring timidity are cowardly only in dangers which affect themselves, but the first to rescue when others are in danger." - Jean Paul

- "When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income." - Chi Chi Rodriguez

- "We need to tap the resource of current and retiring science and math professionals that have both content mastery and the practical experience to serve as effective teachers." - Cathy McMorris Rodgers

- "I'm now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same income." - Gene Perret

- "Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work." - Laurence J. Peter

- "I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. It is the only pleasure I have left." - Voltaire

Funny Retirement Quotes For Cards

- "Art is one of the few careers without a mandatory retirement age." - Julia Cameron

- "How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

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- "Men in the uniform of Wall Street retirement: black Chesterfield coat, rimless glasses and the Times folded to the obituary page." - Jimmy Breslin

- "Gainfully unemployed, very proud of it, too." - Charles Baxter

- "I really stay busy [in retirement]. I often have to cancel my golf games on the weekends to go play in tennis tournaments." - Richard Davies

- "In retirement, only money and symptoms are consequential." - Mason Cooley

- "Retiring was scary and it was tough to give up gymnastics, but so many great opportunities have come from it that I never expected." - Shawn Johnson

- "He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which." - Douglas Adams

Funny Retirement Quotes For Teachers

- "I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. It is the only pleasure I have left." - Voltaire

- "Why retire from something if you're loving it so much and enjoying it so much, and you're blessed with another group of people to work with like the gang on 'Hot in Cleveland?' Why would I think of retiring? What would I do with myself?" - Betty White

- "The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income." - George Foreman

- "There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!" - Groucho Marx

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- "Old teachers never die, they just grade away." - Henny Youngman

Funny Retirement Quotes For A Friend

- "You're only young once, but you can be immature forever." - Germaine Greer

- "I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." - Charles Lamb

- "For me retiring wasn't hard once I knew that that was the decision I was going to make." - Gabriela Sabatini

- "Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time." - Malcolm Muggeridge

- "Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save." - Will Rogers

- "Let's get a couple of things straight. It hasn't been years and years since I made a movie. I'm not coming back from the dead - I've just had two kids! I have no intention of retiring, but I do think it's impossible to do movie after movie, because there aren't that many good films made." - Julia Roberts

- "Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever."" - Gene Perret

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Funny Retirement Quotes For Doctors

- "Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf." - Gene Perret

- "It is better to live rich than to die rich." - Samuel Johnson

- "Some debts are fun while you are acquiring them, But none are fun when you set about retiring them." - Ogden Nash

- "We have to thank God for this retirement." - Virgil

- "Retirement is the ugliest word in the language." - Ernest Hemingway

- "The bond between a man and his profession is similar to that which ties him to his country; it is just as complex, often ambivalent, and in general it is understood completely only when it is broken: by exile or emigration in the case of one's country, by retirement in the case of a trade or profession." - Primo Levi

- "I'm moving on. I should have made that clear when I made the announcement. I guess I wasn't clear. If people think you're leaving a show after all these years, you might be retiring. So I understand where they're coming from, but I should have impressed the fact that I hope I'm just moving on right now." - Regis Philbin

- "When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking." - Gail Sheehy

Funny Retirement Quotes For Cakes

- "The only true retirement is that of the heart; the only true leisure is the repose of the passions. To such persons it makes little difference whether they are young or old; and they die as they have lived, with graceful resignation." - William Hazlitt

- "I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner

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- "Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples." - George Burns

- "Something pretty... that's just the surface. People worry so much about aging, but you look younger if you don't worry about it." - Jeanne Moreau

- "Once I retire, I'm retiring. I'm done." - Michael Phelps


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