Top 60 Retirement Quotes Funny


- "Better world. Better life for everybody, every worker. Poor kids oughta be able to go anyplace their brains will take them. Not where Daddy or Mommy's pocketbooks can send them. Everybody oughta have health care, everybody oughta have some retirement security, every American. Every one. Everybody oughta have a decent good job. That's what I believe in, and that's what I fight every day to try to achieve." - Richard Trumka

- "People think retiring is fun. Well, maybe, but if you have a certain kind of fire inside, there is no end in sight." - Sylvester Stallone

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- "Social Security makes up a much larger share of total retirement income for unmarried women and minorities than it does for married couples, unmarried men and whites." - Diane Watson

- "Such are the vicissitudes of the world, through all its parts, that day and night, labor and rest, hurry and retirement, endear each other; such are the changes that keep the mind in action: we desire, we pursue, we obtain, we are satiated; we desire something else and begin a new pursuit." - Samuel Johnson

- "Other things may be seized by might, or purchased with money, but knowledge is to be gained only by study, and study to be prosecuted only in retirement." - Samuel Johnson

- "Working people have alot of bad habits, but the worst of these is work." - Clarence Darrow

- "A lone maple leaf resting on sand Have you ever been out for a late autumn walk in the closing part of the afternoon, and suddenly looked up to realize that the leaves have practically all gone? And the sun has set and the day gone before you knew it, and with that a cold wind blows across the landscape? That's retirement." - Stephen Leacock

- "And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything." - William Shakespeare

Retirement Quotes For Mom

- "Social Security not only helps Americans enjoy a secure retirement, it has also kept millions of Americans out of poverty." - Zoe Lofgren

- "There is no need of a teacher for those who know how to think." - Mahatma Gandhi

- "When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference." - Kin Hubbard

- "What I hear people talking about are things that anybody of any color or any religion or any sexual orientation can get with. They cannot earn a decent living if they`re working class folks. They`re worried about retirement if they`re in their 40s and 50s. They`re worried about sending their kids to college. If we focus on what really matters, we can get there." - Keith Ellison

- "The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence." - Denis Waitley

- "The inner essence of worship is cherishing Christ as gain - indeed as more gain than all that life can offer - family, career, retirement, fame, food, friends. The essence of worship is experiencing Christ as gain. Or to use words that we love to use around here: it is savoring Christ, treasuring Christ, being satisfied with Christ." - John Piper

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- "Retirement isn't so bad. Give me a tall drink, a plush sofa and a rerun of 'Matlock,' and you can have the rest. Matlock is my hero. He never loses." - Ken Venturi

- "Though it sounds absurd, it is true to say I felt younger at sixty than I felt at twenty." - Ellen Glasgow

Retirement Quotes For Doctors

- "In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party." - Artie Lange

- "The property boom has made us all feel wealthy, but unfortunately it has lulled many of those nearing retirement into a false sense of security." - Noel Whittaker

- "One of the difficulties in getting to the bottom of the poor prospects for retirement is that the policy and intellectual elites, including corporate leadership, who are dealing with this problem, rarely have the same difficulties as the great majority of middle-income Americans." - Hedrick Smith

- "Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing" - A. A. Milne

- "Modeling was another job like some of the other ones I had. Working as a cashier, I delivered newspapers, I worked in a retirement home feeding elderly people. . . so I never stopped and thought about, boy, I'm a successful model." - Kathy Ireland

- "I want to take retirement rather than feel as if it's taking me unawares. Maybe even seize it joyously. But at least behold it without looking back so longingly that I turn into a pillar of regret." - Klaus H. Carl

- "Flexible working is not just for women with children. It is necessary at the other end of the scale. If people can move into part-time work, instead of retirement, then that will be a huge help. If people can fit their work around caring responsibilities for the elderly, the disabled, then again that's very positive." - Theresa May

- "Those who have no record of what their forebears have accomplished lose the inspiration which comes from the teaching of biography and history." - Carter G. Woodson

Retirement Quotes For Engraving

- "Ms. Merkel is avoiding retirement issues. She simply doesn't want to do anything, although she knows that doing nothing means that real pensions will fall. That is preprogrammed old-age poverty. When it comes to wage fairness: It was Ms. Merkel herself who blocked the establishment of a right to return to a fulltime job after going part time for a period. Yet everyone keeps saying that our platform is identical to that of the conservatives. It's crazy." - Martin Schulz

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- "Retiring was scary and it was tough to give up gymnastics, but so many great opportunities have come from it that I never expected." - Shawn Johnson

- "Retiring for good wasn't difficult. I knew at the time it was right. I was no longer capable of achieving the standards I'd set myself and there was no light at the end of the tunnel." - Ian Botham

- "Do you know what Margaret Thatcher did in her first Budget? Introduced VAT on yachts! It somewhat ruined my retirement." - Edward Heath

- "You must prepare yourselves, young people, because Uncle Dave's generation is getting old. We are almost ready to go to the retirement home to spend the rest of our days tapping our bedpans rhythmically in time to "easy listening" rock 'n' roll. We must pass the torch on to you, and you must grasp it, ideally by the end that is not on fire." - Dave Barry

- "I really stay busy [in retirement]. I often have to cancel my golf games on the weekends to go play in tennis tournaments." - Richard Davies

- "Your best teacher is your last mistake." - Ralph Nader

- "You are rewarding a teacher poorly if you remain always a pupil." - Friedrich Nietzsche

Retirement Quotes For Friend

- "We need to build on the success of Social Security by developing bold and innovative ways for Americans to build wealth and save for retirement. I believe we can work together in a bipartisan manner to accomplish these goals." - Debbie Stabenow

- "[Retirement] is a dangerous experiment, and generally ends in either drunkenness or hypochrondriacism." - Erasmus Darwin

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- "Depart from the highway, and transplant thyself in some enclosed ground; for it is hard for a tree that stands by the wayside to keep her fruit till it be ripe." - Saint John Chrysostom

- "Retirement: a time to become much more than you have ever been." - Ernie J Zelinski

- "How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

- "People look at things differently. Imagine going to a village in Southern Sudan and try to explain to someone there the concept of life insurance or retirement. Go to Vietnam and say retirement. Retirement in another country is your body is too racked with pain and your hands are too arthritic from the life in the rice patty fields, so you can't work anymore. So you move in with your son and his new wife takes care of you because that's how families work there." - Henry Rollins

- "The main problems are insufficient diversification and the failure to pick age-appropriate strategies - that is, more aggressive when you're younger, and more conservative when you approach retirement. But even then you have to invest for growth." - Hedrick Smith

Retirement Quotes For Cakes

- "I've declined every congressional benefit I could decline, federal health insurance, the retirement program, the 403(b) program, which I think is overly generous. I've got self-imposed term limits of six terms if I have the privilege to serve that long." - Scott Rigell

- "My retirement was now become solitude; the former is, I believe, the best state for the mind of man, the latter almost the worst. In complete solitude, the eye wants objects, the heart wants attachments, the understanding wants reciprocation. The character loses its tenderness when it has nothing to strengthen it, its sweetness when it has nothing to soothe it." - Hannah More


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