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- "I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it." - Stonewall Jackson

- "Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony." - Robert Benchley

- "I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was." - George Carlin

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- "The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober." - William Butler Yeats

- "If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult." - P. J. O'Rourke

Funny Alcohol Quotes Jokes

- "A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy." - Noel Coward

- "Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives." - Kurt Cobain

- "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink." - Nancy Astor

- "Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning." - George Bernard Shaw

- "I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved." - George Gobel

- "I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy." - W. C. Fields

- "A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her." - W. C. Fields

- "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." - Henny Youngman

- "Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Funny Alcohol Quotes Pictures

- "I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast." - W. C. Fields

- "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." - Winston Churchill

- "I like my whisky old and my women young." - Errol Flynn

- "I drink to make other people interesting." - George Jean Nathan

- "Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power." - P. J. O'Rourke

- "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." - Jack Lemmon

- "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." - Henny Youngman

- "Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean...Against bars, tables, chairs, and poles." - Gerard Way

- "It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth." - George Burns

- "I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it." - Raymond Chandler

Funny Alcohol Quotes For T-shirts

- "When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink." - Francois Rabelais

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- "Drink, sir, is a great provoker of three things . . . nose-painting, sleep, and urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes; it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance." - William Shakespeare

- "Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer." - Henry Lawson

- "Don't trust people who don't laugh. I don't." - Maya Angelou

- "Drink, sir, is a great provoker of three things . . . nose-painting, sleep, and urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes; it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance." - William Shakespeare

- "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker." - Ogden Nash

- "Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy." - Frank Sinatra

- "I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling." - Frida Kahlo

- "Always be drunk ... Get drunk militantly. Just get drunk." - Charles Baudelaire

Funny Alcohol Quotes Short

- "My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars." - Winston Churchill

- "Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy." - Benjamin Franklin

- "I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it." - Rodney Dangerfield

- "No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer." - John Churchill, 1st Duke of Marlborough


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